Sometimes life hands out lemons, and the common charge is to go ahead and make lemonade. What about those times when life hands out something altogether tastier, but something one might not currently be craving? Absurd? And yet, disturbingly real.
For 8 years I've toiled at my current job. I've reached the highest point I can attain on my current job track barring the death or retirement of one of my superiors. There have been carrots thrust under my nose on occasion; offers of a transfer and promotion to expand our business. As a company, we're exceptionally good at what we do, and we've often discussed spreading our business model to other markets, possibly even around the country. My name has been attached to these discussions from the start. I find it an honor to be considered for these opportunities, and they have motivated me to work harder and strive for excellence in all aspects of my work life.
Recently, in the past year or so, I've grown to accept that many of these proposed transfer/promotions were merely attempts to push me further. They were just management's idea of a motivator. I accepted this and moved on from my dreams of moving away and starting anew. I kind of grew to like the idea of raising my family in Fort Wayne. After years of restlessness (begun at 8 years old) I settled into a church. I've joined the church softball team, am coaching in a church youth soccer league, and have recently joined the choir. I've made friends with my pastors and with other church leaders, and I've finally, after 22 years, found my church home. It was a long search, but the fruits have been amazing. I love this church and its people. In return, the church has unflinchingly supported me, even as I initially questioned each of their beliefs.
I am happy. Certainly, I could use a little more money. I wouldn't mind a raise or promotion. A new challenge at work would be welcome, but not necessary. I've finally grown comfortable. Of course, if I've learned one thing in my 30 years, it's that comfort leads to complacency, and the world doesn't like complacency. Consequently, I'm starting to think the world places little value on comfort.
There is a new carrot under my nose. My company bought out another company in a different part of the state. My bosses want me to go there and take over. It's the job I've been after for years, the dream I chased for over a decade. I should be thrilled. Should be. I just don't know anymore. My biggest fear is that after searching 22 years for a place where I felt I could be spiritually fulfilled, I'm being given the opportunity to run away from it. This seems like a temptation I should avoid. Maybe I shouldn't chase the dreams and the big money. However, I have a family to support, a wife that would like to go back to college, a daughter I want to enroll in preschool, a house I'd like to buy, and (someday – hopefully not for a while yet) more kids on the way. I would be doing good work in this new place, and I would be able to help and have a positive impact on a great number of lives. My new position would give me the money to accomplish all of my goals for my family. It seems like this should be a no-brainer.
What to do, what to do? I'm sure this is a problem that any number of people would love to have. Jobs are hard enough to come by, and here I am complaining about being offered a raise. But I guess I feel like some things might be more important than money. Friends have advised that I pray over it, and I have. I think I'm being told to go. However, throughout my spiritual journey I've heard of people being led astray by false voices. How do I know that the messages I receive telling me to go aren't those of a false prophet, trying to tempt me away? Perhaps the nagging feeling I have in my gut about leaving my church is the actual voice of God. Or maybe I've got that part reversed. Or maybe it's just cold feet and nerves, that seems like a natural response doesn't it? I just don't know anymore. I hoped documenting it all and reading it would help it make sense. So far, no such luck. I can see reasoned arguments for both sides. I just don't know. Any thoughts out there in cyberland?
I dont' believe you need to belong to a church to be spiritually fulfilled. It's comforting to see others in the same light yes, but, their fulfillment isn't what you should be concerned with. You still have that fulfillment when you are sitting at home don't you? If not, you really aren't that fulfilled. I don't attend church but would consider myself quite spiritual. Saying "I've heard of people..." should have nothing to do with you or your decision. That's being led by a false prophet. You'll never KNOW anything until you KNOW yourself. Until then, it's calculated risks and crap shoots.
ReplyDeleteYour life is just that. YOURS. You are free to do what you want with it. That was his/her gift to mankind.
Hear it with YOUR ears. Feel it in YOUR soul. And look at it with YOUR eyes. At the end of the day the only person that you KNOW 110% no-questions-asked will never do you wrong, is YOU.
EYES OPEN.